Guiding Your Child

As you help your toddler make sense of the world around her and learn to manage herself too, be there to step in and guide her as needed. But also give her some space and time to explore her abilities.

Here are some things you can do:

• Be realistic about what you can expect from your child. Is she a mover and shaker who finds it hard to sit still longer than 3 minutes? Knowing this will help you decide not to try to read a whole book to her but to look at a few pages and then follow her lead. You will both be happier.
• Set clear and consistent limits in a caring and respectful way. Sometimes she’ll be able to listen and stop herself from climbing on the coffee table or digging in the flowerpot. Other times she depends on you to help her stop. When she knows she can count on you to set clear limits, it frees her to explore and discover and makes it easier for her to behave.
• Encourage and model sharing but do not force sharing or taking turns. Children this age are not ready for sharing; you are just introducing the idea. So model sharing by breaking your banana in half and offering her a piece. Point out when sharing happens: “Jorge shared his truck with you.” Over time, she’ll get the idea.
• Give your child realistic feedback about her efforts and actions. Tell her what you see. Give her specifics. When you say, “I see you are trying again to pull up the zipper on your coat. That is how you learn.” You let her know that “trying again” is behavior you respect.
• Expect challenging behaviors. No doubt about it, “No” will be one of your toddler’s favorite words for a time. It is a sign she is becoming an independent person. So is acting out and having a temper tantrum. (Every parent experiences at least one of these in some public spot. So get ready to join the club!) You can support her by staying calm, being clear about limits and letting her know you love her—even when you don’t like her behavior.
• Use the word “no” in fun ways. Make up silly sentences that make your child’s use of the word “no” fun and at the same time helps them think and learn. Ask: “Does a pig MOO?” or point to your foot and ask “Is this my head?”.
• Be the kind of person you want your child to be. This is the “age of imitation.” She looks up to you and wants to be like you. And she is always watching, whether you know it or not. So show her how to behave by being a good role model.

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